my collection

Can someone please tell me why i should continue living? If not, please, make me get the willpower to kill myself. And If yiu say happines is a choice, fuck you. Ignore this post. If you say everything is gonna be fine if I wait, fuck you. Its not. If you just want to tell me how much of a failure I am and how lame I am for being suicidal, i already know, go ahead, tell me again, make fun of me again.

I cant explain why i feel this way. Most of you know this feeling, i cant even count my problems, and I am honestly feeling so suicidal. Can someone PLEASE either convince me to just do it or not?

Going to a catholic school now. Great education, not as many people, but everything is amplified. the assholes are way worse, the nice people are better, so I guess I cant complain. “what a great school eh. Why are you so sad about this?” well I have now2weeks of spring break. I have absolutely nothing to stop me from doing anything stupid, “friends” at school are more like acquaintances, no one really understands me, and I cant really talk to anyone. I always text them but no one texts me. so I have given up on all communication. Now everyday its the same things “OVER THINKALLTHE THINGS, CUT MYSELF ALL THE TIME, CRY ABOUT ALL THE THINGS, STAY IN BED ALL TH DAYS,…OH WAIT, THAT’S RIGHT, i have to do all the chores around the house fixing things I didn’t even destroy like the drainage system my dad destroyed and he blames it on me,SEE THE WORST IN MYSELF ALL THE TIME,and lie to myself that things will get better. I always feel like I cant get things done because I’m pathetic and lazy, not because of any other reasons, i feel like everything nice anyone says to me is just to be polite and I’m not intelligent, and I have no talent. I never see the good in myself, and With two weeks that sounds great, but I have managed to destroy a friendship with a girl I like, and she liked me, neither of us knew it, but I snapped and now the whole world is wrong for me. It was my fault. Now it seems impossible for me to fix. everyday I feel sad and depressed with everything I do, until night. the reason being it becomes Ice cold in my basement where i sleep, its dark, silent, and i hope maybe someone will break in and kill me in the night. I got mental problems where i literally forget everything i just did within a time range of 5 minutes. one LA class i read a paragraph to my teacher, he said it was good, i asked him honestly, “what did I just do”. thats not fun.. same with texting i will ask what I just asked. I always dissapoint everyone, my family, teachers, the world, God. everyday my teachers ask why I didnt do my homework. i always say i was lazy. i lie becuse how would they react if i said it was because i was trying nt to commit suicide? they would think i wa lying to their faces. people in my class are actually stupid enough (and yes i know if you read this you will see it. your idiots to think that) if i get any sharp object i will cut myself on the spot. Im not a fucking attention whore. this is the only place I really share my feelings. no one ever likes me because im not the same as them. I prefer to call girls pretty or beautiful and i dont like the words hot and sexy. it bugs me. Everyone always thinks thhat my whole life is good nd i only put up with a few snickers behind my back here and there but no. I was created because of a one night stand. my dad ditched. my mom ditched. Now i have no contact, no memories except one picture of my mom. my adoptive family makes me do all the housewrok, and they are never impressed with me. always dissapointed. I am dissapointed with myself too, and i hate myself. i have to put up with people saying things like “hey adopted kid” or “no wonder your parents didnt want you”. You think those are just snickers? they arent. now eveyday i contemplate sicide and everyone always says “it will get better i promise” it doesnt always get better bitch! so if any of you have read this, what advice do you offer? not lies, no “itll get better” shit. Do you have any real, legit, helpful advice? I honestly feel like commiting suicide every day. My math teacher lectured me in front of the class about how lazy, stupid, and ignorant I was and how she doesnt want me in the school because she thinks im not good enough and im too dumb. She doesnt know shit, but i cant take it any more.

Someone kill me please. Its either you or me.

Me: Im depressed, lonely, and suicidal
Friend: Ha me too! That math test totally made me wanna kill myself.
Me: ..yah, it was pretty harsh.……..punch in the face in the middle of class
Friend: yah! So anyways, i was texting Joey last night…….